Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Selamat hari raya.

First raya that was completely different.

I once thought that my raya will be different after my brother, Along married. I imagined that our siblings wont be completed anymore because Along have to raya at the his in law's house. But I do thought that it still fine because I still having arwah Yan with me. I'm closer with Along and arwah Yan rather than my sister. I don't why but maybe I spent more time with them. In the back time, I always follow both of them took wedding photos everywhere and during waiting my master's viva, I spent almost 3 months helping them printing the T-shirts. Every day we waking up, eating, and sleeping at the same time at the same house. That is where our siblings relationship bonding. And just to tell you, after my brother married, I get closer and closer to arwah Yan. Because I only have him with me. To accompany me to wherever I wanna go..hehe. As I already enter UPM to pursue my study and arwah Yan at KLMU but still staying with Along at Mantin, every weekend, if  we got free time either we going back to hometown or hanging out together. Sometimes with Along and Kak siti and sometimes only both of us. This time my sister was studying away from us. So thats the reason I didn't talk much about her.

Oh no, I should talking about raya. Sorry!

I'm so grateful that our raya 2016 my brother decided to raya at our house first because I'm not ready yet to witness missing family member on the first day raya. I'm even more
grateful now because if not, two years in row our raya family potrait got missing member. Well, at least I can keep the 2016 raya memories forever.

And now,

Raya 2017,

I'm actually missing both of my wings. Both Along and arwah Yan TIADA. Along at his in law's hometown and arwah Yan with Him. I forget that 'manusia hanya merancang, Allah yang menentukannya'. I accept this is a test from Him for me. Learn to let go, learn to remember Him even more. Alhamdullilah, I still have mak, ayah and adik Na in this raya. Alhamdullillah. Thank you Allah for still giving me time to be with them.

Well, my sister only arrived at our hometown at 1.30 am before raya. Which means that only me doing all the works. Yes, I'm all alone. It was sooo exhausted! Never in my raya I am that tired. First day raya, after went to atuk, wan, makngah house, for the first time I sleep back for hours. Just woke up with the handphone's sounds when whatsapp group from 'Konvo Combo' start to pop out nak ajak beraya. Hahaha. What a name. I still laughing at the group name. I supposed to mute all the whatsapp groups except  fews groups including konvo combo. Why this group kinds of special to me because they all I have rather than other so called friends at my hometown.

Eh, I'm so sorry for off topic again.

😆
Maybe it's the sign that I should writing for now. Okay that's my raya 2017 story.
Selamat hari raya maaf zahir batin.



P/s: I'm in mood to write in english, so pardon my grammar! My bad 😊





Friday, June 2, 2017

I miss u so much paan my only little brother.

Allah. Tolong aku ya Allah. Kuatkan hati ni. Why I'm still crying? Why. Don't let me crying too hard again. Semoga aku bukan tergolong dalam orang yang meratapi kematian. I'm crying because the memories with him keep playing in my head. Amd tonight because his friends repost the facebook memories and I see the picture of him. Smiling brightly. I miss his smile his laugh.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Ramadhan yang tidak pernah sama seperti ramadhan sebelum ini

7 bulan pemergian yan. Ya. Tetap tiada sehari pun lupakan yan. Walau naik bukit turun bukit, memandu di jalan lurus, jalan bengkang bengkong, jalan kaki, berlari, berjogging, bermain ping pong badminton, menonton tv, mengadap komputer, tetap terbayang, Tetap di malam hari masih ade sisa tangisan yang masih tak boleh berhenti lagi. Lemahnya hambaMu ini Ya Allah.

Malam esok bermula ramadhan tahun ni. Ramadhan yang semua orang nantikan. Ramadhan yang akan aku lalui yang tidak akan pernah sama seperti ramadhan sebelum ini.